Monday, January 11, 2010

Bodie's Men: scene from chapter one

    Although Bodie knew from her parents’ conspicuous absence at Family Day, it was hard to keep herself from looking out at the crowd as they marched and stood in formation for graduation the next day.  She couldn’t move her face, of course, standing perfectly at parade rest – legs shoulder width apart, hands folded behind her back, body immobile. But her eyes flickered through the crowd within her limited range. She wished she could turn her head.  If her parents had relented, they would be standing on the edges of the crowd, towards the back. She could not imagine them pressing into the bleachers with the rest of the clapping, cheering parents.



    She forced herself not to search for them between graduation and commissioning. It was a busy day; graduate from basic training, then commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps.  The barracks were almost empty as she took her new uniform out of plastic and put it on, piece by unfamiliar piece. Intermittently, some other newly-minted Marine would come in to pick up their sea bags. Their families trailed behind them. If they were all civilians, like Bodie’s family, they exclaimed, “You lived like this!”  If they had a military background, they instead talked about how much tougher things had been in their day.

    “Congratulations, Bodie,” Lizzie West stopped by the side of Bodie’s bunk. She laughed. “Do you want me to get that?”

    “Yes, please,” Bodie said. She handed the other girl her solitary ribbon, which she had tried to reposition eight times now without getting it straight on her jacket.

    “Breasts get in the way,” West said, pinning the ribbon quickly and efficiently on the jacket.

    “I don’t think you’re allowed to say breasts in here.”

    West stepped back, grinning. She was a light-hearted girl with short blond curls and green eyes; she had managed to seem unperturbed and yet invisible throughout most of OCS, two qualities that Bodie really admired. “The Marine Corps already made its mistake and graduated us from OCS,” she said. “I think we’re going to be fine.”

    “Yeah,” Bodie said, smiling back. “I think we are.”



So, this is REALLY rough. This is from the rough draft of Bodie's Men, in the process. It'll be changed, a lot, before a final version of this scene. The entire scene might even disappear. Right now I'm just writing. It can be crap. I refuse to care. :p

4 comments:

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Thanks for sharing this - I enjoyed it. I love your attitude about it, though. :-)

Stephanie Thornton said...

Thanks for sharing!

And I love Aqua's Barbie Girl too- it's a great song to run to!

Guinevere said...

Shannon, I have to admit my attitude varies from day to day, but I try to stick with that one!

Stephanie, I have an Aqua CD I love for running and workouts. "Happy Boys and Girls" is another fave running song of mine. It's such fun music.

Donna Hole said...

Wow, that was really good. Seems very polished. Interesting all the way through, good character building, nice and easy flow.

Thanks for sharing this piece.

BTW; I read JACOB HAVE I LOVED when I was much younger and for a while it was one of my favorite books. Until I read that one, I'd mostly read fantasy. I think I should get another copy and re-read it.


........dhole